Time For A Funny Story Or Two

Considering the events of the last few days i feel it is time for us to tell a few funny stories of our trips to lighten the mood a little.

It was a nice day and a friend wanted to go offroading, he bit the bullet and bought a 4WD and badgered me to take him along for a day on some easy, and some not so easy routes, so off we went; all was fine all day and he and his wife swapped so they could both experience off road driving. Along the way we stopped for lunch which was cooked on a regular lane and we met a few farmers we see regularly, and stopped for a quick chat with them, and the day was going very well until the last lane.

Due to the regular stoppages we were running behind a little so we had to be quick to do this lane, which, most of the time is fairly easy driving and normally we would have finished in daylight, but he had a flat tyre and part of the lane was blocked by a large fallen tree branch which required cutting and winching out of the way. As darkness fell we were still on the lane, but the end was approaching, down the long winding hill and to the left and we would soon be in the car park in the middle of the woods where we could clean our vehicles necessities and find a place for an evening meal.

In the distance our friend could see lights approaching, he mentioned it several times on the two way radio and i dismissed it as it could have been another off roader or one of several farmers who regularly use the route; so the descent began towards the woods, then it happened. The headlights behind us closed rapidly and suddenly as we approached the edge of the woods several naked young girls appreared from the woods, the inevitable happened, the banter began, "i would" and the reply came, "so would i but the wife is here" and it continued.
Suddenly there was a mass of blue lights coming from the woods, it was not aliens as there was no sign of a spaceship landing so it had to be emergency vehicles, then blue lights lit up on the vehicle now very close behind us, all hell broke loose as some of the naked girls tried to get into our vehicles, so the doors were locked, thank god for central locking. In the distance there were masses of Police chasing and jumping on the girls, it was not vicars and tarts, so it might have been Police and criminals, a derivetive of vicars and tarts, the banter on the two way radio continued in such a vein as we had no idea of what we were possibly becoming involved in.

Suddenly it all became clear it was serious and it was the Police, the vehicle following us backed off and turned round and a sergeant came over to us and asked to speak to us, he asked what we were doing and we told him we were offroading, and what the hell was going on with all these naked young girls running towards us from the woods. It transpired that the remote car park location in the middle of the woods was being used after dark by the doggers, they had been there for several weeks and there had been several complaints from residents and passers by who had entered the car park to see an orgy of various sorts of sexual activities and the Police had raided it.

The Police had done their recon and realised that there was a legal byway out of the back of the car park and sent a Police 4X4 vehicle to cover it, and it was this closing up behind us all the time.

Its funny how i am always in the wrong place at the right time.

funny how you only mentioned naked girls

reminds me of sweden after a long day driving we pulled up to our log cabin and had a drink or two but while just about to pre pare for a sauna about 10 naked swedish locals ran past and started swimming in the lake at the bottom

needless to say i just settled for a BBQ instead of the traditional lake jump afterwards

As was reading your post Assassin I was thinking it was a joke. It wasn't until the end I realised it was a true story. Well blow me down (no pun intended).

Where exactly did you say this greenlane is located?

I can only mention naked girls because that is what we had running towards us, most of the males were apparently trying to escape in their cars, or headed off in another direction.

and the grid ref for the lane is????????

Not that far from you??????? less than 30 mins drive.

Waste of time though as the Police stamped it out, but they would not let us have some of the remaining clothes left behicd for rags.

It was another poor day with drizzle and the ground was muddy, a regular who comes with us had an ex military truck and decided to take his regular can of beans, half a loaf of bread, and his butter; the own brand of beans came in a smaller can than normal brands and fitted inside his excessively large radiator cap opening. He knew the can would just be cooked perfectly as we reached the other end of the lane as he had done it many times before, and he was looking forward to his bowl of beans with his bread and butter.

As we neared the end of the lane our second group shouted on the radio, one of them had slid off the road and into a ditch, but everyone was fine except for a bruised ego, and having the largest ground clearance meant he could pull him out easily as he could access the firmer ground, and use his 250' of winch rope to do so. He travelled halfway back up the lane to recover the stranded vehicle, and did so successfully, and returned with the second group, his wife remained with us and had buttered the bread as she waited for his arrival.

As he shut off his engine he decided to "give it a couple of minutes" before slowly releasing his radiator cap very gently to rlease the pressure, and recover his now cooked can of beans, but it happened; there was a shout as if he had his truck land on top of him, and we all ran to him assuming he was scalded. As we arrived he was livid as the can had ruptured and his entire cooling system was full of beans floating about in his coolant, at first he could not figure it out until i explained.
He had done this trip many times with his can of beans in the radiator, so knew it was fine, but in his haste to return to assist in the rocovery and have the chance to spool out most of his recovery rope, he had driven the lane twice effectively. Once during the trip, halfway back for the recovery, then halfway back to us, therefore two full trips of the lane, this overpressurised his can which had burst.

He was flushing his cooling system for weeks to get all the beans out.